sound advice

“One man’s garbage is another man’s treasure. Unless you’re a raccoon. Then it’s basically all one category.”

“Save some money for a rainy day. Save even more money for the day your house burns down.”

“If you get paid by the hour, do your work slowly. If you pay your employees by the hour, fire the slow ones.”

“To lose weight, exercise more and eat less food. To lose weight even faster, add some heroin.”

“Robbing a bank may be illegal, but you can’t say it isn’t a fast way to make some money.”

“Ask any carny – A corn dog isn’t just batter fried meat on a stick. It’s the filet mignon of the carnival world.”

“There’s no faster way to get yourself murdered than by making friends with a carny.”

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